Thanks for listening to Take Out Therapy, where you can improve your mental health, emotional stability, and life skills in less than 20 minutes a week. Simple, straightforward, authentic advice and education, right from a private practice therapist and anxiety expert. I'm Rebecca Hunter, and this is better mental health, delivered.
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Well, hello there. I'm so glad you're here today because this episode is so important and very little discussed. I want to talk to you today about, well, a dark time of life that many people refer to as the dark night of the soul. My goal for the episode today is just to help you understand , what is the dark night of the soul?
It sounds so video game ish. Doesn't it. But it's a real thing and it's really difficult. So I want you to understand what it is. Why it happens to pretty much all of us at one point or another. To one degree or another. And I want to kind of equipped you just in case you're going through it, or if you're going to go through it in the future, or maybe even looking back. On a few things you can do when you're in it, because it's really difficult. And. My episodes are always intended to be helpful. All the work I do actually is really intended to help you, whether you're in difficulty, but also to recognize that difficulty happens.
Right. So I want to remind you that if you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, Or just plain stuck. Take out therapy club can help you. My monthly membership self-growth program offers workshops, coaching sessions in a really supportive community. In the form of a forum. To help you overcome stress, overwhelm, burnout, anxiety, and all the various emotional challenges and roadblocks that come with being a human. I created a takeout therapy club to be affordable and accessible.
It costs less than a night out on the town friend. Visit takeout therapy.com to learn more and I'm giving away a free 30 day trial to everyone that joins right now. It's a great experience and I hope you'll get a lot out of it. Now. Let's get into this dark night of the soul. What the heck is this? Have you ever heard this expression?
If you've read any of Nicola LePera's work, um, she's somebody that has a modern day voice on the dark night of the soul. But basically. It's when we question. Everything. Why am I even here? What is this? What is this situation even right. We question ourselves, our place. Everything we feel typically pretty flipping awful. Many people tend to isolate.
They get anxious. Really depressed, super disconnected, both from their selves and other people. We totally do hibernate. Dark night of the soul. It's when so many people. Question their own. Capacity to ride out difficulty. People think that hard times mean. They're doing something wrong.
Like I'm so depressed. Why can't I get out of this? Or I don't know why I'm having so much anxiety. Like I've got to. Deal with this. I have to get some help. I have to learn some, this, some do this, that. People think that when they're really, really struggling and means they're doing something wrong,
Is this how you feel sometimes. Right. When you're struggling that you ought to know how to do something better, how to do it better. Ooh. Let's talk about this dark night of the soul using a little bit of a different perspective because. One thing we always have choice over is the perspective that we take about life.
Oh, Thank goodness. You know, I think. When we have really deep dark times where we're in a certain manner of speaking, getting pushed up against ourselves. Where. It's just like, we feel really. Incapable of doing life. Yeah. This happens. It's totally normal. And a different perspective would be that it's a rebirth.
It's an opportunity. For a rebirth of some sort of way. It's a hibernation , I think that my dark times. Come every few winters, which is super interesting. And I full on go bear mode. I hibernate. The dark night of the soul. Causes us to isolate ourselves. We want to be alone with ourselves.
We're miserable to be around. . And it could be such that it's a hibernation. Uh, call for bravery. And change within ourselves, a full stop regroup. And I know if you're in a dark, dark night of the soul right now, you're like Rebecca. I do not like the sound of this because I am really struggling and you're just basically telling me, don't worry, it's a rebirth. Hang tight for a minute. I'm just. Presenting a different perspective. When we get into this nasty time. When we feel this awful darkness.
It's a great time to converse with yourself. On a deeper level. To go ahead and explore some of the tiny corners of our life. It's actually a call to oneself, the dark night of the soul. These moments of difficulty that full on, bring people into therapy all the time. They're like, what is happening right now?
It's an opportunity to explore the tiny corners. Of your life to find possibility. Um, problems that need solutions that your willing to solve now. Right. It's hard to do this work. If you look. At a dark period this way. It's hard to do this work, but it is a pathway. To your more authentic self, which some would say is your best self. But , I have to argue that even our crappiest moments of life are our best self.
Sometimes, sometimes.
I like to think of personal growth, like a stairway. . And sometimes we're going up the stairway. And sometimes. We got to go back down again. And that's okay. I think when we go back down again is when we find something out about ourselves, there's such an opportunity right there. So I will say if you're in a dark place right now, I'm going to send you a little rainbow. Of hope. And potential.
Don't worry friend. It might feel really dark where you are right now. But it'll get better soon. You know, sometimes these dark periods only happen in one area of our life. Which is really interesting. Isn't it? Uh, people say a lot to me. And somebody recently said sent me an email and I loved it. It was like, Um, I watched this workshop and it was really great and I'm going to put in place these things.
And, and then at the end it said, I've been really stuck, but right now I really want to want to. And I love that. I don't, I can't count the number I have of times that I've said to myself, I really want to want to, sometimes it's hard to just get going. And so. When we feel like we're in this dark place. And send this to somebody that, you know, that's in a dark place.
The first thing to do is just get back to basics. Just start taking care of yourself in ways that feel nurturing to you. Shower, get out of bed, eat food. Those things are important. Then you can lay back down if you have to, but do the minimum that your body needs at the least. Be kind to your, your body, your meat sack, that you, your soul is going through this life with. Just because you're struggling emotionally doesn't mean you have to move into making it more of a physical experience. Be kind to yourself like you're ill.
If you're tired, it's okay. Lay down. Try to take care of yourself the dark night. Requires nurturance, or it can turn into something. Uglier sinister really? Right. You want to have a rough patch? Or a mental health condition. Sometimes the dark night goes on and on and on. Because we're human beings and we're just pattern based machine.
You do something for long enough. And unfortunately, this is how we get into some pickles. Not all the time, but sometimes. You know, there's certain things that the human body and brain need every day. Food water movement and rest. Push and pull. Open and close. Get to where you can nurture yourself as though you would nurture a friend. When you're in a dark spot. Just click a bear in hibernation, right? And this is how I get, if you've been listening to the podcast for any length of time, you know, I have my Blinky. And I have to get my blankie. When I'm having a dark night and I think that's really helpful to the people in my life because they come in, they see the Lammy blankie and they're like, Or. You want some tea?
I have good people.
I've surrounded myself with nurturing people, which is awesome. The other thing that's really important when we're in this dark space is just to be willing to go inside. But what a lot of people do. You and I both is Benj binge on Netflix. Google everything like, find out what our boyfriends from high school are doing, or go on social media and just scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll.
And really. What might be helpful. To get us up and out , a little sooner. Is just to be willing to go inside. Yourself be with yourself. Spend a little time there every day. It's like when we're having a tough time, it's an inside project. That we can choose to undertake. Or we can choose not to. Up to yeah. But you'll need to look at the places that hurt in your life and ask some questions. I always play this game when I'm doing therapy with people.
It's called the Why game.
It's like you ask a question, like what, what is going on? Why am I in so much pain? And then you answer that question. Well, I hate my job. And then just start asking why.
That's how you dig deeper. It's one of the ways play the why game? Why do I hate my job? Well, Because my boss is an ass. Well, why. , because he talks down to me. Well, why. , because that's the culture. Of where I work. Well, why. Because I work at such and such. , why. Y, I don't know why maybe I should get a different job. Yeah.
See. Eventually the why game. Comes up with some sort of a result. Another way you can look at the places that hurt and ask yourself some questions. Is to ask yourself, is this. Within my control to remedy. Once you figured out what's going on. Is it within your control? To get rid of this situation. And a lot of people say, no, no, I can change jobs is the only place in town.
Well, I don't know about that. I have to challenge that just a little bit, because we live in the day and age of jobs where you don't have to live in the town where you work. And we live in the day and age of jobs where many, many people are looking for help. And many, many people are looking for jobs. So there's a lot of exchange going on. So sometimes when people say that. I want to have about their job.
I'm like, no. Because sometimes things are within our control to remedy and sometimes they aren't. And sometimes we're just hold mom things that we shouldn't be holding on to that we need to let go of. But having these conversations will reveal what is really going on today. And I think being confrontational right there with asking and looking at what hurts. Is like. , starting to have a conversation about what. In our darkness, even though we're feeling really sad or upset or anxious or depressed or disconnected, what are we willing to do to move forward in helpful and loving way, even if it's just. Going back to number one, which is like taking care of myself in a better way.
Being kinder. Eating better. Walking around the block. Yeah. And then the third thing I would say is like, well, number one's to taking care of yourself. Number two, become willing to go inside. And I gave you some ways to do that. This third part is about journaling. We already know journaling is super helpful. It's how we can process what's going on in our lives. In this really unique way.
That's private. That's another expression besides thinking that's not talking to somebody else about it. It's deeper than that. It results in change. So the third thing I would say is , get in your journal, write a couple pages every single day. It doesn't matter what you write. Eventually I'm going to do like a 30 day journaling challenge for people that want to learn to journal.
But really you can just journal about whatever's going on.
Whatever hurts, whatever might be feeling good. It's important. . To just be kind to remember, to be kind to yourself and to be able to see within your journaling when you're not kind and correct it right. There is something that I think is really helpful. Kindness, you know me. I'm one of these people that thinks we ought to be nice to ourselves and each other. And then if you really want the advanced version, At the dark night. I would say that you always want to stay connected with yourself. Within these dark periods, we can get really disconnected with ourself. And when we're willing to go inside ourselves and we're willing to connect with ourselves at the same time. We prevent a lot of. Well, a lot more darkness, a lot of judgment, a lot, just a lot of unkindness.
So what I would say is I typically tell people, just pick one thing a day. That's going to help you learn more about yourself. Or that's going to help you spend time with yourself. Or this kind of increase a skillset. That you want to increase? Just pick one thing a day that moves you forward in some way or another.
And then. You have to just wait it out. You cannot hurry the dark night of the soul. It's a time of self exploration and discovery, and it's miserable. I know. But when you don't avoid being in relationship with yourself, And also avoid the trap of, I don't know. Uh, many times when we get into space, if somebody asks us a question, we're like, I don't know.
I don't know. Get past that. Why, why, why, why play my game? That'll make it more fun.
Yeah, because here's the thing. Once you meet up with yourself in this dark time. You're gonna have so much more potential for change for growth, and honestly, the longer you avoid the whole deal, the longer it will last, that's what we say in mental health. The best remedy for all the mental health meltdowns. The little rough patches. And the dark nights. Is to turn towards yourself and face yourself squarely.
You've got this. You're in a relationship with yourself. And learning to do that over and over and over and over again. , it's pretty much what it's all about.
We'll keep at it. Just like always, I'll see you again soon. Take really, really good care of yourself.
Thanks so much for joining me today. To support this free resource, subscribe, review, and pass an episode along to a friend in need. And always, please get the level of support that you need for your situation. Want a full session? Just reach out. I'm here to help. Head to takeouttherapy. com for lots more resources and to join my community.
This is better mental health delivered.
